The number of women changing their names after marriage is decreasing
and this is what I have observed. I also
kept my name. Among my friends, only a few of them have changed their surnames after
getting married. It’s no surprise I kept my last name. These days,
changing the name is clashing with the idea of having own space and identity
for modern women. And naturally, I never liked the way women seemed to
disappear into their husband’s name. When I got married, I was at the
peak of my career. I was dreaming about going out of India and even about settling
down in the US. Changing my surname was going to add little paper and official
work (affidavit for PAN card, driving license, bank document and
passport etc) for us. While registering our marriage when asked the name of the
wife, my husband said “Shipra Pandey”. Yes, it’s my original name. Since then,
we are man and wife with different surnames. Although, there was no confusion ever that our
kid(s) are going to take their father’s surname. But with realizing my family responsibilities and
realities of life, my career aspirations opted to slow down and I understood
why changing name is still important.
Our marriage started on a turbulent note. Initial days were
tough, rough and cloudy. There were problems and problems. And my husband, for
the first time, made a bitter remark on my name then. I still had my father’s
surname and somehow reasons of our bumpy married life were around me and my
family. Things were settled in next few months. However, I always had occasional
pangs of wondering if my husband, doubted my commitment, or was at all
disappointed by the fact that I didn’t want to share his name. And our
recent argument confirmed my doubt. My commitments are still questionable as per
him. And after close to five years of married life, the reason he gives is again
around my surname.
Although till date, I never faced any problem in having a
different surname with occasional questioning by other people. But as I am enjoying
my married life, I am more inclined towards changing my name. Even in this
blogging space (and in many other), I write with my husband’s surname. With the
course of time, I have started feeling that the husband (mostly) takes this as
a proof of pledge and liability towards married life if the wife changes the
name. But, more importantly, I also started to feel a strange sense of
vulnerability and the need to reconnect myself to my husband who is the father
of my son and keeper of my lighthouse, in every possible way. Including in name
and fame.
A few days back, I was reading a post and wife expressed her
feeling over the loss of his husband. “At least I have his name with me,
always!” If a woman takes her husband’s name or carries her own name can never change her inner
self. Changing name can never cast any kind of spell over her. But there are
few things we do just to make other people happy. And if any how I have failed
to give my husband the assurance that our relationship is important for me,
then I would like to correct it right away. If taking husband’s name is crucial
to seal the package of our marriage. I am ready now. The sooner the better!
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